As I alluded in my previous post, I recently had a birthday and as usual that got me thinking.
I remember when I was younger I had such high hopes for my birthdays and my birthday parties. I used to be all giddy and exited for weeks in advance. On this very day life was going to be so much better than ever before and the party was going to be spectacular, downright transcendent and yada yada yada. Then the big day finally came and needless to say ... it never lived up to my expectations. So I always ended up being sad and frustrated, building up even higher hopes for the next year. A classic vicious circle. Eventually this pattern let to me simultaneously hoping for this magical birthday and dreading the inevitable disappointment. So this day even manifested itself as one of the turning points of the year for me.
However, when you reach a certain (or not so certain) age (because it is different for everyone) other aspects come into play. At some point you are gonna get very nervous about being yet another year older. You start to fret about what you have achieved so far - which is never enough - and where you're gonna end up and all that jazz. If you have reached that point in your life, you will know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, lucky you or not so lucky as you're about to find out.
Because in an ironic turn of events this very anxiety now seems to counteract the ridiculously high expectations for *~the~magical~birthday~* and makes this day a much happier event for me than it ever was. Sure, there is some anxiety about the future but on the very day it's much more about what I managed to accomplish the past year and the happy memories I made along the way.
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