When I hear people
apologizing for how lame of a phrase “It'll get better”
supposedly is, all I can muster is a rueful smile. Because you know
what I always got to hear? Something along those lines: “The time
will come when you're gonna wish yourself back to this very time of
your life.” Well, if that doesn't make you cheer up and appreciate
what you have. What it did was make me feel kind of guilty for being unhappy
in the first place. And then there is the implication in this
statement that it is - apparently - only gonna get worse – much worse. So that should make you wanna get up in the morning or, you
know, like just put an end to it right away.
But the thing is,
that this is - of course - not quite what the folks were saying. In fact, they
weren't talking about me and my problems at all. They were
essentially projecting the feelings they had about their own
schooldays onto me. Apparently they did fare a lot better than I did.
Go figure. And it seems like they couldn't even imagine that it might
be different for me. I did realize this back then, but that didn't
make the statement any less annoying and hurtful. I mean it would
have helped a lot, if someone had just acknowledged my experience for starters.
Now I at least get
the triumph of saying that they were wrong. It didn't get worse. It
got infinitely better - even though I'm still sort of in limbo at the moment. But I
wouldn't wanna go back to this time of my life if you gave me a
truckload of cash for it. And I'm damn well never ever gonna be going
to any reunion. I just hope there will never come a time when I'd
wanna do go back because I'd pretty much have to hit rock bottom to get to that point.
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